Okay guys- this vegan thing is harder than I thought it would be. At least so far. I was really struggling the first week. I am one of those people who has a relationship with food. I can’t just eat to sustain myself- I want to eat things that I like and not give them up. I have failed once already and it has been about two weeks of being vegan. Last week, I did something sketchy. I was home alone, and hungry and craving chicken fingers and honey mustard. I get this craving a lot, but we buy Morning Star nuggets and can make our own honey mustard from our homemade vegan mayonnaise. This time, I got into my car and drove to Wendy’s and bought chicken nuggets, fries and honey mustard. It was so good, and I was so sick after. I also went outside to throw away the wrappers into the dumpster in our condo complex parking lot so my husband wouldn’t know I’d had it. A few days later, I had a weak moment where I was craving ice cream, and after asking him multiple times if we could cheat “just this once” I felt guilty and confessed to him about my chicken cheat meal. I haven’t eaten meat in over a year, so why did I fall apart that badly? All I’m really doing by going vegan is giving up foods that contain milk and eggs- I already gave up chicken a long time ago. For some reason, in that moment, I had to have it….one last time. Part of me wishes I could eat certain things “one last time” because I didn’t know the last time I had them was going to be the last time. This up and down state only lasted a few days, but they were a rough few days.
The truth is, he and I need each other on this journey. It is really difficult to do this alone. Now in my weak moments, I text or call him and tell him how I feel and he encourages me to stay the course. It can be hard to stay committed to this because it can feel hopeless sometimes. I ask myself why I am depriving myself of things that I enjoy when other people are lining up at the local ice cream shop? Am I really making a difference? Is this even helping? But I know that going vegan is the most sustainable thing I can do. I want to be zero waste, but being vegan will make so much more of an impact than my bars of shampoo and deodorant. I am done giving any more money to the animal product industry. When I look at these foods now, I don’t even want them. We ate our last eggs we had in our fridge when we made this decision, and I didn’t even want them. I’m figuring out substitutes that work for me with allergies and my pickiness, and it’s starting to come together. It is definitely going to be challenging but I know I can do this! After two weeks, I am already feeling like I have more energy and the emotional roller coaster came to an end. I lost two pounds and my mood has drastically improved. I’ve heard that if you do anything for a month, you can make it a habit, so I’m hoping that powering through the tough part in the beginning will get me to a place of contentment in a couple more weeks. I won’t feel left out anymore and won’t even miss things. I can learn how to cook and bake substitutes that are just as delicious and be proud of how sustainable my new lifestyle is. I’m excited to see where this goes!
Also, I know that people who are vegan get a bad rep because people stereotype them as a group of people that have to tell you about being vegan. For that I am sorry, but I had to do it because I am trying to be sustainable and I just can’t be without making this move. Now that I’m doing it and realizing all the benefits, I am understanding why people try to “convert” others to this diet. But I am not doing that here- just writing about my process and the current state of this journey I’m on. Next week I’ll get off the food topic and onto something totally different!